Robert Sternberg created his triangular theory of love based on three dimensions: passion, intimacy, and commitment. The degree to which a relationship demonstrates these three dimensions determines the type of love relationship. People begin love relationships with those who care for them as children. These early relationships can have a great impact on their adult relationships.

An individual’s attachment style can affect the types of love relationships in which he or she has as adults, according to our weeks reading materials. “Love begins at the beginning,” suggests Deborah Blum (2002) […] (Axia 2009). As children, we believe that if the attention that we desire is met, along with the love, care, dedication, and the commitment that we receive from our parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles; our trust in people, especially towards the ones in which whom we are close to will allow us a sense of stability and encouragement. This stability and encouragement will help shape our lives as children, for the relationships to come. We will be able to handle the different challenges, which we will encounter throughout life; with a high sense or level of autonomy from the nurture, we received within our proximities as children. This demonstrates how nature, our inherent tendency to bond and nurture, the responsiveness of our caregivers, help to shape social ties (Axia 2009). The interactions of nature and nurture, yields three different attachment styles, which are secure, avoidant and anxious.

From within our first attachments as children, we will know if our parents are warm and responsive, cold and rejecting, or ambivalent and inconsistent by the way that parents interact with their children. To relate back to the triangular theory of love, for a secure attachment style to take place, children will need to experience a warm and responsive feeling of attachment from their parents and caregivers. Parents whom are cold and rejecting towards their children, and parents whom are inconsistent, their children will experience little or no sense of security from their parents or caregivers. Therefore, children who experience cold and rejecting parenting styles display avoidant attachment, and children who experience inconsistent parenting styles display anxious attachment.

Attachment Styles and Our Love Relationships

As children because of the nature and nurture, we received because of the types of attachment styles we inherit; our adult love relationships are affected. Adult love relationships do tend to mirror early infant attachments (Myers, 2002), according to our weeks reading material. From earlier within this text, I explained how warm and responsive parenting styles produce children whom are secure within their attachments; how cold and rejecting parenting styles produce children whom are avoidant within their attachments; and how inconsistent parenting styles produce children whom are anxious within their attachments. Nature, being the child inherent needs to bond and belong; and nurture the parental responsiveness to the child, both contributes to the attachment styles children develop as adults within their love relationships.

Secure adults find it easy to get close to others and are unconcerned about becoming too dependent or being, abandoned. Their relationships are, characterized by happiness, trust, and friendship. They seem able to accept and support their partner in spite of faults, and their relationships endure longer. Avoidant adults tend to be less invested in relationships and more likely to leave them. Some seem to be fearful, while others are dismissing. These types of relationships are, marked by emotional highs and lows. They are also more likely to have brief sexual encounters without love, according to our weeks reading materials. For anxious adults, love is obsession; these adults are less trusting, demand reciprocation, and are generally more possessive and jealous. They may break up repeatedly with the same person. When discussing differences, they often get emotional and angry (Axia 2009).

What Determines Our Love Relationships

There are three components, which contribute to attachment; they are closeness, care, and commitment. Close physical proximity is the context in which children and adult attachments unfold. The motives are slightly different; however, nevertheless equal in affection. For children there are proximity and security, and for adults there are interest of sexual attraction; therefore affection. In both types of relationships, close physical contact fosters an emotional bond. Proximity brings us together, and the degree to which attachment provides care, including both comfort and emotional support, grows over time, according to our weeks reading material.

Over time, commitment makes the safe haven a base of security. With a consistently available, supportive, and reassuring caregiver, one can confidently confront life’s everyday challenges. Commitment, suggest Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver (1994), is the glue that holds relationships together and ensures safety and security over the long haul. Most parents are naturally committed to their children. On the other hand, adult relationships are, chosen, and we must develop commitment to our life partners. Closeness, care, and commitment make up the stuff of which attachment and love is, made (Axia 2009).

References

Axia College University of Phoenix. Week two reading material. Retrieved June 21, 2009.